The way I feel about you, Morning, could be summed up in two words involving an F and a U – but since I’ve agreed to write this letter as part of our therapy, I will try to be more specific.
First of all, what’s your problem, anyway?
Sorry. That’s not a good start.
I know, I know – I agreed to this process. And you’re right, we do need to communicate better if this is ever going to work. I do get that, Morning. I know how toxic our relationship has become. It’s just really hard to be nice to you when you’re such a dickhead.
No name-calling! I know. I know the rules, okay? This isn’t our first session.
From right this second, I promise I’m totally into working this through. After all, you’re not going anywhere, are you? You’ve made that abundantly clear. And I can’t pretend you don’t exist anymore. Not with the children around.
You’ve asked me not to be so antagonistic. To focus on I feel statements. So here you go:
I feel angry whenever I realise you’re in the room.
I feel like ignoring you.
I feel like you and Breakfast are ganging up on me.
And sometimes, Morning, I really feel like leaving you for Noon.
You’re attractive – physically-speaking, I give you that. And when I do make an effort, I have to concede that the times we’ve spent alone together have been kind of nice. But looks and feels aren’t everything, Morning. They’re not enough.
We were asked to write down three things that we feel need to change in this relationship if we’re to go forward. I saw yours earlier. I know – I shouldn’t have looked, but seriously, you left it right there on the table when you slipped out the door at 11.59am.
You think I spend too much time with Evening and Late Night. You think this affects our relationship. I see you’re also bringing up Caffeine again. I have to say that I’m hurt. I thought we’d already talked about that.
Here’s my list, Morning. You’ll note that I’m not bringing anyone else into it. Unlike some people.
- Be quiet. I hate it when you crash in and yell and make yourself known. Don’t play guitar around me, either. It’s not a good look on you. Afternoon and Evening do it so much better.
- Be warm. When you’re cold it hurts me. I spend so much time trying to warm you up and then I just get angry with you when you take your time about it. It’s like you do it to spite me.
- Don’t rush me. Seriously, you knew this about me when we met. Don’t get all up in my grill with your clock and your schedules. I will get there. You know I’m almost never late.
That’s my list.
See you next week for the Intimacy Workshop. I’m looking forward to it.